innermost

2011 bah humbug

2011-12-31T08:13:00.000-08:00

This pretty much sums it up....on many levels

I know something positive happened during the year but, in retrospect,except for Brooke & Laura's wedding, I am hard pressed to find it.

I'll not dwell on the harsh memories. Really.

Suffice it to say 2011 sucked in so many ways that I am looking forward to 2012 in ways I never imagined.

Yes, I will be another year older but then so will everyone.

Morning with dogs in NOLA

2011-11-30T07:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not really sure, but I THINK I saw this guy delivering a door to my neighbors this morning from the back of a government vehicle that looked suspiciously like a coroner's van.

New Orleans can be a little unsettling in the morning light.

he said -she said - I heard

2011-11-09T11:59:00.000-08:00

he said: You are a northeastern liberal jihadist

I heard: You are a northeastern liberal Goddess.

I like mine better

he said -she said - I heard

2011-11-02T06:19:00.000-07:00

What you said: My asthma is kicking in again.

What I heard: Miasma is kicking in.

whatever -both suck

NOLA dreaming

2011-09-03T14:53:00.000-07:00

No one but No one welcomes a storm in the way New Orleans does. Oh, LordieLord let me live & die in a city with this much humor.

Aftermath

2011-08-30T06:03:00.000-07:00

When this is the extent of the damage from a hurricane it is easy to forget how devastating water & wind can be.

Although the birds & bees have been dislocated around my environs, I cannot forget- we are more fortunate than VT & upstate NY where flash floods have taken homes & lives.

Although my clematis may never be the same, I will not forget the devastation of Katrina that brought America's most beautiful city to her knees 6 years ago.

Although my lawn & gardens are covered with leaves, twigs & acorns, I cannot forget those washed away in the low-country.

Although my road has become a crunchy rutted mess, I must not forget those whose lives were forever devastated by storms in Haiti.

I should not forget that it is the strength of people that will bring about recovery from adversity.

Always.

The work is there. We must do it.

Always.

astronomical!

2011-08-28T05:59:00.000-07:00

Astronomical high tide - what a concept!

Astrological high tide - hmmmm

In case you were wondering

2011-08-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here awaiting Hurricane Irene.

Dogs and cats at the ready.

Brought the grill in, I know not to use it.

Left the hottub outside. Wish i could bring it in.

The dryer is still broken. Last weeks guest laundry still in piles.

Hand washed some undies now drying in the kitchen. Classy.

Outdoor plants & chairs also in kitchen.

Batteries are in the flashlights.

Candles at hand.

Extra ice in coolers & freezer.

Phones & other electronics charging. Dog is helping. (see above)

Pile of books also in the kitchen.

TV scaring the shit outta me.

But I'm ready.

& right now I'm bored silly.

corndoggers++

2011-08-15T14:43:00.000-07:00

AND not to be outdone...1 day late but right in there lickin'

corndoggers+

2011-08-15T05:09:00.000-07:00

What in the world? Do all GOTP candidates have deep throats?

Add this to the Bachmann corndoggers for a complete set of GOTP hypocrites seeking office in our sad country. No wonder we are becoming a third world nation!

Just sayin'...

corndoggers

2011-08-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

Need I say more??????

2011-08-05T17:04:00.000-07:00

Full on August house guest hell. Well, not really Hell -just crowded, hot,noisy chaos. Every year I dread it. Every year I love it . Every year I swear not to do this again. Every year I do.

This is the price we pay for living in a paradise.

Sciatica -not for beginners

2011-06-08T03:33:00.000-07:00

It's been a month. On a pain scale of 1-10 this surely rates a 10. Right up there with childbirth. The difference? With birthing pain one knows it will end & not return until one chooses it again. With sciatica one becomes wary of the ever present possibility that that leg will cramp up anytime & wham! There you are-on your back again.

Ice & tv. Ice & a book. Ice & phone. Ice & pity-party.

I remember my mom saying to just muddle through pain. It's not the end of the world & remember all those who are suffering more than you. Great. Now I can feel guilty about hurting.

Lying around being miserable leads to thoughts of mortality & intimations of aging. Not my plan for the Fourth.

Lying here does not allow me to dance away the ghosts & fears.

Lying here makes me face all the future I dread.

Lying here can cause panic & anxiety.

Lying here I make an endless list of resolutions for when I get up from

Lying here.

calm demeanor?

2011-06-02T03:32:00.001-07:00

The calm demeanor that you see? It is only a facade.

The patience you feel? It's covering a fraud.

I am not heroic, stoic or odd -

Just bored.

House guests - we love 'em

2011-05-31T05:08:00.001-07:00

house guests, not to be confused with family or extended family or over-extended family. House guests are those folks, invited or uninvited who take up residence for 3-4 days.

The good ones arrive with goodies from off-island;a clever skill like cooking; new makeup techniques or an independent attitude.always,always welcome.

The bad ones come empty handed; bring friends unannounced; need a safety pin, a tampon,a ride to the furthest end of this island. I don't have safety pins, tampons or an unlimited supply of gas .

The worst ones extend their stay by a week, puke in the bathroom or on the deck, whine about food allergies &/or leave the house a wreck.

People! I welcome you to my innermost but do not provide concierge service, maid service or chauffeur service. If you only want to visit with me in the summer & are not willing to come here in the dark winter months, I realize you are merely looking for a free place to stay in one of the world's best vacation destinations.

more words that make English hard

2011-05-31T05:06:00.000-07:00

bear hear

beard heard

words I can't bear to hear

2011-05-30T04:42:00.000-07:00

beyond the obvious racial/ethnic slurs there are phrases in common usage that sound beyond offensive to me:

meat suit

shut your pie hole

gonna rip you another/bigger/new asshole

douche

seems to me these all refer to human anatomy & the problem MIGHT be mine but - the harshness of these sounds together with the visual images they produce...ew

RAPTURE I

2011-05-19T04:46:00.000-07:00

I am completely fascinated by the "Rapture". So many questions:

Can I have your car?

Where's the best place to watch?

Are there gonna be viewing stands?

Can you buy tickets?

What about pets?

If you're in a plane are you exempt?

What about if you're in the space station?

What do I wear?

Does this mean there are no longer private beaches?

Will Twitter & Facebook end, too?

Who of my friends will still be here?

Do I need to vacuum?

Is this hell on earth for the rest of us?

Should I chill the champagne?

Should I plan a viewing party?

Will this be covered by FOX or MSNBC?

Do I care?

dogs- did ya see this?

2011-05-05T04:50:00.000-07:00

what they said/what I heard II

2011-05-03T04:44:00.000-07:00

what they said: meditation

what I heard: medication

accomplished

2011-05-03T04:20:00.000-07:00

accomplished...best of show

does the photo show up?

accomplished

2011-05-03T04:18:00.000-07:00

accomplished

what they said/what I heard

2011-04-30T06:45:00.000-07:00

what they said: My asthma

what I heard: miasma

turkeys, bunnies, deer & turkeys turkeys, turkeys

2011-04-21T06:18:00.000-07:00

I now know more than I ever wanted to know about the mating habits of wild turkeys.

First of all, they are loud. & start very early in the morning. It's a lot like high school actually. The guys are so much like the jocks- all strutting, wearing their most status-y jackets, getting in each others faces,checking out the girls while ignoring them. It quickly becomes clear which is the Quarterback/prom king. He's the one who loudly spins around & shows his team colors. & I do mean loudly. Unfurling all those feathers makes a thrilling sound-a whoosh with an underlying drumming. Pretty impressive to the other team members who must be underclassmen. They just follow his example with lesser effect.

It also impresses the girls.

The cheerleader girls all giggle; advance; retreat; regroup. The loser girls react the same-although knowing they have no chance of being noticed.

This noisy nonsense goes on for days, accompanied with much eating of my forsythia bush (girls always like flowers), & pooping in the yard, driveway,sidewalks,decks & patios.

Then one day I looked out & the hens were being stood on.

Apparently this is turkey sex.

Big Chief Tom gets to stand on any girl he wants. Quietly.

All the wannabe guys just chatted & ate. All the hens continued to giggle in their cliques.

It must have worked. There are no more girl turkeys in my yard. Oh, they stop by to clean up under the bird feeder but the guys have left them alone for the most part. In fact today there are no more turkeys. At first I thought the turkey police must have done a drug sweep out there but it appears that now that the hens are knocked up the baby daddies have moved on to find new ladies.

Doesn't that sound like high school to you?

road thoughts

2011-04-21T05:39:00.000-07:00

Driving back from New Orleans I watch the changing roadkill. As I came North it changes from turtles to armadillos to groundhogs to deer. Pretty awful but that's the price that is paid for road travel, I guess.

The road is the place I meditate. Staying in the Now is a given but, except for the immediate areas around major cities, the Now is pretty much the same - long stretches of monotony broken only by signs for food,gas&lodging; an occasional hawk spotting; a herd of deer contemplating suicide.

This is when I decide what everyone I know should do with his/her life. This is when I decide to sell the island house; move permanently to NOLA; leave NOLA & move to the island full time. This is when I start my on-going rant against the steamship AUTHORITY. I decide to move back to my hometown-until I remember it is full of Jesus Savers & Fashion is not an option. on&on&on.

I also notice this year- there are suddenly more red cars than usual. other colors,too. but definitely more red ones. I wonder, does this show an upswing in the economy? an optimism about the future? That would be nice. It could be that people are finally tired of beige & gray. I know I am.

Also I notice the changes in car decals. Not so many Babies on Board & Support our troops. But these little stick figures that show a little mom,dad, any #of kids (large&small), dogs, cats, other pets. I start a riff on what I might put on my rear window... old broad, 2 dogs,4cats, an assortment of glassware, chairs, boxes of books.

I start thinking that I could keep driving & go visit Tony in San Francisco, Jon McBride in L.A., could I possibly drive to Antarctica & see my darling KarenGrace? The possibilities are endless & skanky foul motels are available everywhere.

When did chain motels get so awful? They used to be where one was certain of cleanliness. The private ones( well, at least those without hourly rates) are clean & clever. I think about doing a road trip just to check out what hotels/motels are the most interesting.

I think about buying an RV & having no known address & wandering at will.

I think about what will happen if I run out of gas in Mississippi with Mass. plates.

I think about why I never stop at roadside attractions & am always in such a hurry to get wherever it is I'm going.

I think about driving all night.

I think about how my shoulder hurts from all this wind.

I think about how clever I am not to have gone off the road.

streaming news

2011-03-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

you know you're watching too much news when you read warplane as warp lane & you start a mental riff on where Glenn Beck & his hooligans fit on the warped lane of history.

why English is hard to learn -continued

2011-03-28T15:55:00.000-07:00

anger

danger

still 67

2011-01-30T05:35:00.000-08:00

woke up this morning & nothing has changed.

I am still 67.

It snowed again last night.

My body still hurts from moving furniture.

The cat's still grumpy.

My computer still hates me.

The dogs are still asleep.

The world is still in turmoil.

I'm still alive.

Looks like another gorgeous day & yes, we will survive...

Turn up the music

And dance.

birthday # 67

2011-01-29T04:15:00.000-08:00

Birthdays only make you chronologically older. They don't change your attitude. Just your numbers on the national insurance pages. & your joints. & your eyesight. & your memory. &...

dead of winter

2011-01-15T04:47:00.000-08:00

isolation is not solitude.

NOLA dreaming

2011-01-03T05:23:00.000-08:00

Even though I know it is 40F & dreadful in NOLA - it's better than sitting here in the frozen tundra of the north atlantic searching for signs of life.

Cold in NOLA is damp & cuts straight to the bone but my neighbors fights there are more interesting than the silence of this closed-in house.

besides, something -some flower, weed, tree will be very very very close to blossom.

The only thing growing here is ennui.

why English is hard to learn -continued

2010-12-19T04:31:00.000-08:00

bead head bed heed

book spook

where whore

it's a wonder we can speak at all

2010-12-17T05:26:00.000-08:00

when the indoor cat gets out - the world stops until he's found.

what in the world?

2010-12-10T06:11:00.000-08:00

we watched the wars on tv. & we were angry.

we watch the world on YouTube & twitter. & we are angrier.

what's next?

implosion or explosion?

not news

2010-12-09T02:09:00.001-08:00

wikileaks? meh

politics as unusual #2

2010-12-08T05:25:00.000-08:00

we must believe our pres. knows more about being pres. than we do.

politics as unusual

2010-12-07T06:07:00.000-08:00

does anyone remember when schools taught something called "civics"? that's where we learned how deh government was supposed to work. you know- 3 separate discrete divisions as a safe-guard for the over reaching of the others? we were taught that most decisions were made by negotiation & debate; that congress was elected to represent the needs of the people & to advocate for the "Folks back home". Compromise was not a dirty word, rather it was what happened when 2 opposing views heard each other with dignity & came to some sort of accommodation.

WHAT HAPPENED?

compromise is not a synonym for appeasement. there is room for middle ground. isn't there?

in the words of Mick Jagger: "you can't always get what you want. But if you try sometimes..."

you know the rest.

2010-11-19T05:41:00.000-08:00

I try to never get political in these posts but...this time i must. there is a move afoot to destroy the Obama presidency. a game being played by some old white guys in suits. they say Pres. Obama must be stopped at any cost.

This cost might well be the our safety as humans. blocking the nuclear disarmament treaty is beyond dangerous, it is deadly. unemployment, the deficit,health care, the economy mean nothing if we are not here at all. the ultimate destruction of the Earth could render all our squabbles insignificant. people, think about it. is it worth it?

i would really like to sleep at night.

say no to viagra hackers

2010-09-13T05:41:00.000-07:00

when my email was hacked yesterday & sent messages to totally inappropriate people about Viagra i was mortified. some were insulted, some understood what was happening, some laughed & some i haven't heard from.

i'm a writer, artist & fool. what I am not is tech savvy. i have always thought that the computer goddess & the Apple god would protect me. guess i'm mortal after all. if any of you got viagra'd - sorry about that.

better safe?

2010-09-04T06:33:00.001-07:00

better safe than sorry? such a lame aphorism. seems more like better safe AND sorry.

all those things i didn't do - jump off that bridge, go out with that psycho guy, try that new food.

chances only come this way once & regrets last a lifetime.

better safe?

2010-09-04T06:33:00.000-07:00

better safe than sorry? such a lame aphoris

words that make English hard to learn

2010-09-04T06:31:00.000-07:00

mow sow

now sow

aging/ageing/ er ...getting older

2010-08-11T09:16:00.000-07:00

there is a girl inside this well-used body. i may look 60+ w/ sags & bags & wrinkles. my attempts at rejuvenation may fill me briefly with hope. my plans to spend time at a gym may seem briefly real. my slathering on of creams, cremes, serums, & lotions may be briefly optimistic.

but a quick pass by the mirror always tells the external truth.

yet...

a brief flirtation on twitter, a passing handsome face, a rebellious thought can send me deep inside to the girl who dances 'til the sweat drips into her eyes.

if only she could be seen by others

closed caption fun

2010-07-12T05:31:00.000-07:00

sha-na-begins ? oh! shenanigans

who out- sources english closed captions? this language is hard enough for "native speakers"

more words that make english hard

2010-07-12T05:27:00.000-07:00

hear/heard

here/herd.

more words that make english hard

2010-04-23T15:09:00.000-07:00

slaughter

laughter

2009-12-12T06:22:00.000-08:00

hey karengrace, this one's for you. when i think of you freezing your butt off at the south pole, and all our friends in MV doing the same, i just look outside. NOLA might not have the ideal climate in dec. but it does have a certain something. tropical we ain't but soothing flora for the soul.

words that don't work.

2009-11-10T09:42:00.001-08:00

closet

closer

2009-11-01T16:27:00.001-08:00

ah, geez

words that don't work.

2009-10-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

more words... ponder/wonder

pasture/manure

english is a hard language

O M G!

2009-10-17T07:27:00.000-07:00

you know that web page people of walmart.com ? well, check it out. went to rouse's market here in NOLA & saw a guy(?) long blond hair & beard, titties & a T-shirt that sez " that's Ms Bitch to you". sorry i did not have my camera on -but then i would probably been too frightened to snap it anyway. wish ya coulda seen it.

now, i am going to walmart to buy cleaning things & a microwave. probably should be careful what i wear. don't want to end up with snarky comments under a photo of me. but really, check out the site. & ponder - do any of these folks vote?

aging

2009-10-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

aging is a bitch. wish i had known earlier. maybe i could have stopped it in its tracks - or are those wrinkles in time?

future words?

2009-10-09T09:59:00.000-07:00

skyrisers, barricages, ocdc. ah, my vocabulary grows with new and mysterious words and the images they bring.

oooooooooooooooooooo

2009-08-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

good

blood

food

no wonder it is so hard to learn english

part 4

2009-06-22T16:56:00.000-07:00

lawn care service?

long hair service?

lung care service?

oh,my!

did i hear it wrong? III

2009-05-26T14:40:00.000-07:00

jewelry selection?

jury selection?

whichever it is, it begins in boston tomorrow.

grey gardens

2009-04-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

i've watched this hbo film twice now and will probably watch it again. beyond the wonderful art direction and cinematography;beyond the truly great acting and costuming there is the ponderous issue of how life worked for women in the 40's and 50's. completely dependent on a men and raised to marry and cater to them, women's roles were so defined to keep that

2009-04-12T07:45:00.000-07:00

one's room-mates should always accommodate your sleeping habits. and- they should never EVER snore in your ear.

did i hear it wrong? II

2009-04-01T15:20:00.000-07:00

transporter? trainspotter?

pirates? pilates?

looking to summer

2009-04-01T04:25:00.000-07:00

veronica, floyd, brooke. the new innermosters. i think, with grace being back on island and all the busy-ness gearing up, we are in for a pretty wonderful summer. now, all we need is for the weather gods to cooperate. the clouds begin to clear from my mind as well as the sky. the good optimism emanating from V is carrying us through this waiting for summer time. nothing like having a "newbie", seeing the vineyard for the first time to make me remember why we are here. collecting sunrises and sunsets and all the beauty in between. a smaller world, protected from the vicissitudes of the big world out there. of course, the steamship AUTHORITY makes sure we stay here. that's a rant for another time. for now i will promise to simply enjoy the beauty and serenity that surrounds us.

2009-03-18T08:59:00.000-07:00

last night, st. pat's dinner, we watched the space station with the spaceshuttle attached pass over us at 7:44 pm. i wondered if this was the same space shuttle that grace watched take off a few days ago. even if it wasn't it made me think how very small this world really is... this earth really is. us littles down here watching that little up there. hah. more profound thoughts than can be articulated quickly.

did i hear it wrong?

2009-03-07T05:45:00.000-08:00

wetness protection? witness protection?

misuse of the muse?

non-margaritaville

2009-01-31T07:21:00.000-08:00

as i read through the blogs i follow i am amazed at how far-flung everyone has become. kgrace in antartica, greg in new orleans, tony in san francisco. on and on. if i were a better traveller i might be in any of those places - alright, not the south pole- but you know what i mean. it seems that edgartown is the farthest i get from home. having hemmed myself in with animals and poor weather, i follow all of you vicariously with longing and joy. a quick trip, on a cheap ticket to NOLA appears to be my "getaway" for 2009. hopefully, all you world traveling folks will come back to the roost with splendid tales. a bottle of champers awaits along with my eager attention to your tales and pictures. palm trees and snowbanks equally welcomed.

snow silence

2009-01-10T15:26:00.000-08:00

another full moon saturday night. this one with a snowstorm and foghorns. coffee, good book and reruns of csi. two dogs for warmth and two or more cats for furry comfort. not your new york saturday night. good enough for the vineyard. good enough for me. after the sirens and yama of the city, the silence is wonderfully seductive. silence so loud it becomes its own presence - huge and comforting. although i wait for it to be shattered, that is less likely to happen at the end of a dirt road on a resort island in the dead of winter. sigh! lovin' it.

christmas musing- christmas music

2008-12-24T07:55:00.000-08:00

ok. we had snow for no reason last week. now we have rain for christmas. that weather goddess got confused again. you just can't trust her. and the music! i put a whole mess of christmas music on the ipod and i think it spread like a virus. although i made a playlist, it seems to have spread throughout the rest of my stuff and so... come july we can still listen to the boston pops doing BIG christmas songs. as i have mentioned, old broads and technology is a very tenuous combination. well, time to wrap the coffee and drink some presents. i really love christmas seasoning.

science questions at moonrise

2008-12-13T04:49:00.000-08:00

when the moon is full here is it full in antarctica as well? sleepless full moon nights - do they lead to restless anxiety dreams for everyone or just for me? why does everything outside look huge and transformed under a full moon? are full moon saturday nights scarier than usual saturday nights? do people all around the world get crazier on these nights? vampires? werewolves? and why is it so much quieter? just wondering. my form of scientific thought.

60 degree day

2008-12-10T05:06:00.000-08:00

a reprieve! 60 degrees in december is always welcome even though we know it won't last. a taste of memory from summers past. the garden immediately reacts as if THIS is spring. silly garden. like me. the possibility of going outside with only a hoodie always sucks me in. (or out?). oh, don't worry i know it is only a temporary blip. it just makes me happy. the goddess is such a tease. now, let's see what the rest of today looks like.......

thanksgiving under wraps

2008-11-30T11:37:00.000-08:00

staten island t-giving was a blast, of course. there were two babies for the first time and that really changed the ambience-less dancing, drinking-no smoking- and more adoration of the pass around kids. also, it ends earlier when short people are around. however, the inevitable turkey with requisite accompaniments was exceptionally well done- john shawn meynard and erene cooked cleaned and hosted. we toasted "grace on ice" as the friend who is the farthest away this year. much laughter and gossip as well.

stuff

2008-11-08T03:41:00.000-08:00

gracie is really on ice. we are not. just the unrelieved gray sky flatness. planting tulip and daffodil bulbs is the only revenge. i begin to understand the yankee thing. if one is alone too long one makes up stuff to do. to do that ya save everything for another possible project. maybe i will make something from empty rx bottles, those ribbons from candy boxes, lint from the dryer. then it all stacks up. piles and piles of maybe-one-day. if it weren't for the dogs, i would never get out from under all this stuff.

Obamamamamamamma!

2008-11-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

hmmmmmm

2008-11-03T06:18:00.000-08:00

a solitary existence is new for me. the options are endless yet i manage to do absolutely nothing. with the more things i think to do- the less happens. it took 2 days to change the pages on the calendars; longer to get the laundry down the stairs and forget making art. this computer has become my newest form of "displacement behavior". somehow a lot of nothing gets done but i hang desperately to the minutae of everyone else's life. listening to npr even when it is whiny, boring and self-righteous. watching the dogs sleep and NOT having a meaningful epiphany. watching the trees lose their leaves and NOT considering the existential meaning of it all. is this being in the now? who's now? what now? now what?

2008-10-27T06:46:00.000-07:00

it takes a while for old broads to figure out the technology- but once we have it look out! you will now be exposed to all my opinions, tedious life details, the beginning sentences of many unwritten books and the overwhelming detritus of my day-to-day existence. that will happen if i am not too lazy to bother to find this page. someone tell me how to get here without going through some really silly steps.

initally yours

2008-10-26T08:22:00.000-07:00

just for openers let me say that i am pretty sure noone will EVER read this. i wonder where it goes after it leaves the keys behind -does it wander as i wonder? let's see------